


I have lost things you will never understand... Knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze

by Del (goddessdel)



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Episode: s07e13 Nightmare in Silver, F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post Episode: Nightmare in Silver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 23:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3359474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddessdel/pseuds/Del
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There was a cybermite in my head."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I have lost things you will never understand... Knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze

**Author's Note:**

> "I have lost things you will never understand! And I know things, secrets that must never be told, knowledge that must never be spoken! Knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze!" - The Doctor [The Rings of Akhaten]
> 
> I realized I never posted this here - only on tumblr. Sorry for realizing it today, of all days. It's a bit AU now, I suppose.
> 
> Written: 5/11/13-5/19/13

As soon as Clara and Artie and Angie are safely tucked away in their beds, back on Earth, the Doctor sends the TARDIS back into the vortex. There is only one place he can think of being.

 

He retreats to his study. One of the few rooms he can still occasionally stand to visit. He can't even look at the pool, and he makes the TARDIS bring him any books he might need from the dreaded L-word (he's deleted it from his vocabulary, though its shadows haunt his waking moments and he can't bring himself to delete the room itself). His workshop is full of traces and echoes - mementos to stolen time and fallen friends.

 

His study is stripped bare of almost everything it used to contain. During... the dark times... he remodeled it - manually. The TARDIS locked him out for a week after he built a pyre in the hallway out of his old desk. After that, he left things mostly as they were and just sealed them up. Dusty monuments to times long past.

 

When he enters his study, she is waiting for him.

 

"There was a cybermite in my head."

 

River doesn't glance up from the book she is reading - curled up on the couch that stretches across the far wall, a small smile tugging at her lips. "And what did you do to it?"

 

"We played chess!" The Doctor tweaks his bowtie; smirking.

 

"Oh, is that all?" River glances up at the Doctor's answering huff, "It got away lucky, then."

 

They both know that there are more demons lurking in the shadows of the Doctor's mind than one little cybermite could hope to conquer. Plenty of locked doors and dark corners that the Doctor could have lured it into and locked it up again, screaming.

 

The Doctor looks down, shuffles his feet. "It wasn't doing any harm. Everything important was locked up. It was so happy to be there, it seemed unkind to squish it." The _at first_ doesn’t need to be said.

 

"But you did." It is not a question.

 

"Eventually."

 

"Good riddance. One robot version of you was more than enough, my love." River's voice is teasing and her eyes are soft.

 

The Doctor brightens slightly at the mention of the Teselecta and the accompanying memory of their first wedding. Of the kiss that restarted time. _I'll make it a good one._ "I don't recall you complaining."

 

He moves forward almost unconsciously. River uncurls from the couch and sets her book aside, turning towards him: expectant. "I wouldn't want you to feel like you'd have to compete."

 

He stops halfway across the room, fists clenched. "It's not a competition!"

 

He's so close to kissing her. Crossing those final few feet and taking her in his arms. River shrugs, still teasing, still waiting. "Well, we'll never know now, will we?"

 

"No. We never will."

 

Suddenly, all his energy and strength is gone. The Doctor stumbles towards the stark wooden chair that has replaced his old wingback and drops heavily into it. He closes his eyes for just a moment, fighting against the tears.

 

When he opens them again, River is gone.

 

 

 

_"You are always here to me, and I always listen.  And I can always see you." - The Doctor [Name of the Doctor]_

**Author's Note:**

> "This is not a ghost story. It's a love story." - The Doctor [Hide]


End file.
